2018. november 24.

Lysitime | A fekete lyuk



A fekete lyukak az univerzum legerősebb dolgai, épp annyira erősek, hogy egész csillagokat képesek atomjaikra szakítani. Magjukban a gravitáció végtelenül nagy, még a fény sem tud versenyezni vele. Ijesztően hangzik, de addig nincs ok aggodalomra, amíg át nem lépsz azon a ponton, ahonnan már nincs visszaút - a fekete lyuk külső határa ez, az event horizon. Ehhez nem akarsz közel kerülni. Ha véletlenül mégse tudsz parancsolni a kíváncsiságodnak, a fekete lyuk felfal és megemészt.

Tudod milyen, ha túl közel sétálsz? Csak engedd, hadd menjek elég közel...

Lángra lobbant. Először csak a bensőm, majd az egész lényem egy világító tűzgolyóva olvad, minden porcikámat uralja a forróság, csiklandozva, melegen, mindent elsöprően. Hozzá tudnék szokni. Igen, többet, még többet, hadd lángoljak. Most látom csak, hogy itt vagy te is... Végig itt voltál, égetlek téged is hevesen. Nem tudok egy helyben maradni, mozdulni kell, futni kell, rohanni, táncolni, pörögni, égbe szökni kell, nem megállni, érezni kell most vadul, bolondosan, korlátok nélkül és legfőképpen szüntelenül. Igen, többet, még többet. Táncot járok, égek és égetek, magamat és mindent körülöttem, játszom a pattogó parázzsal, hangosan nevetek, a világ elhomályosul a forgásban, csak én vagyok és a tűz, a végtelen tűz. Többet, még többet, gyorsabban, hangosabban, vakítóan, szédítően izzva, többet, még többet, gyorsabban a fénylő zsongásban.

Csak egy pillanat műve, lépnék, kiszalad alólam a talaj.

Zuhanok. Fények eltűnnek, lángok elhalnak, fázom. Csak álom lett volna? Tisztán emlékszem, milyen volt amikor a tűz nyaldosott, emlékszem, talán én magam voltam a tűz? Igen. De nincs idő mostmár.

Fullasztó sötétség.

Semmibe veszek.  Nincs semmi csak az elképesztő nyomás, süket vagyok. Mintha egy ablakon át néznélek, ott vagy a sötétség túloldalán, beszélsz, talán hozzám, nem hallom. Ki akarom nyújtani a karom, el akarlak érni, de nem mozdul semmi. Túl erős a nyomás. Nincs erőm küzdeni, nem is érdemes. Csak nézlek, amíg lehetséges, de már a szemeim sem akarnak engedelmeskedni. Te vagy az utolsó érintés, amit érzek. Te vagy az utolsó dolog, amit látok. Te vagy az utolsó gondolat, mielőtt összeroppanok. Te vagy minden, mielőtt semmi vagyok. 


                                                                               ◊


Black holes are the most powerful things in the universe - strong enough to rip entire stars into atom-sized pieces. In their core, gravity reins supreme, infinitely great, even light can't escape it. It sounds scary, but worry not, there's no threat until you cross the point of no return - the outer border of a black hole, the event horizon. You don't want to get close to this. Failure to control your curiosity will get you eaten up.

Do you want to know it would happen? Just let me go close enough...

It set me on fire. First only my core then my entire being transforms into a bright ball of fire, every piece of my body is overruled by the heat. Tickling, warm, overwhelming. I could get used to this. Yes, more, even more, let me burn. You're here as well... You've been here all along, I'm burning you violently as well. I can't stay in one place, have to move, run, rush, have to dance, skip, spin, have to jump to the skies, not stop, have to feel now, wildly, unbound, unrestrained and most importantly, without a pause. Yes, more, even more. I'm dancing, burning myself and everything around me, I'm playing with sparkling embers, laughing loudly, the world is blurred behind me, all there is left is me with this infinite fire. More, even more, faster, louder, blinding, dizzying, dazzling, more, even more, faster in the glistening buzz.

It's just one single moment, one single step, the world collapses under me.

I'm falling. Lights go out, blazing dies, I'm cold. Was it a dream? I remember clearly, how it felt to be surrounded by the flames, maybe it was me, who was the fire? Yes. But there's no time anymore.

Suffocating darkness.

I'm lost in emptiness. There's nothing left but the incredible pressure, I'm deaf... All I can see is you on the other side of darkness, separated by an unpassable barrier. I can see your lips moving, I can't hear anything you say. I'm trying to reach for you, but I can't move anymore. Too much pressure. I have no strength to fight it, there's no reason to fight at all. I'll just watch you, as long as I can, but even my eyes are getting weaker by the moment. You are the last touch I'm feeling. You're the last thing I'm seeing. You are the last thought before I collapse. You are everything, before I'm nothing.


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